


the hole in the world

by beeeskneees



Series: connections missed, connections made [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Established Relationship, M/M, Not really unilock but set after uni, Texting, soldier John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11212038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeeskneees/pseuds/beeeskneees
Summary: Sherlock and John, both just out of university, try to make their relationship work long-distance.---Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.—Edna St Vincent Millay---Written at the request of commenters on "a matter of missed connections."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a lot of requests for something like this, so here it is! This work follows from "a matter of missed connections." It's going to be primarily text-based because that's easier for me to write/to get chapters out, but I'll be sure to have an epilogue at the end that'll be paragraph-based! There's no set schedule right now for when chapters will be up, but ideally I'll have another one posted within the next few days!

[5:37AM] God, everyone here is so dull. Even when they’ve finally started asking for my help on cases, they still treat me like a kid. SH

[5:45AM] You’re probably busy saving the world right now. SH

[5:47AM] You could be saving the world by helping me, you know. You don’t need to go off and play soldier. SH

 

[6:15AM] Oi. I’m not playing soldier. I’m an actual soldier. I’ve sent you the photos to prove it. JW

[6:15AM] Although I think you wanted those photos for a different reason other than proof of my military career. JW

 

[6:15AM] I have no idea what you mean. SH

[6:16AM] Although I wouldn’t be opposed to more photos. SH

 

[6:17AM] You’re so easy to read. JW

 

[6:17AM] Don’t go telling people that. SH

 

[6:18AM] Your secret’s safe with me. JW

[6:18AM] And all of my army mates. JW

 

[6:18AM] What have you told them about me? SH

 

[6:19AM] I’ve said that you’re a big softy. Showed them the letters that you sent me. Very romantic. JW

 

[6:19AM] You are the worst man I’ve ever met. SH

[6:20AM] I can’t believe you showed people those letters. I’m never sending you another one ever again. SH

 

[6:20AM] You wound me, love. JW

 

[6:25AM] Why can’t you come home? SH

 

[6:27AM] You know why. JW

[6:28AM] Look, love, I’ve got to head out. I’ll try to get back to you soon. JW

 

[6:29AM] Fine, fine. Go save the world. SH

 

[6:30AM] You’re my whole world. JW

 

[6:30AM] If that were true, you’d be saving me. SH

 

[6:31AM] Just wait until my tour’s over, and I’ll do that until you’re sick of me. JW

 

[6:32AM] Promise? SH

 

[6:35AM] I promise, Sherlock. I’ve got to head out now. Stay safe. I love you. JW

 

[6:35AM] I love you, too. SH

[6:35AM—UNSENT] I wish you’d never left. SH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! It's obviously in the very early stages but there'll be some more angst/an ultimately happy ending ahead!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they are happy, if separated.

[4:15PM] What’s my gorgeous boyfriend up to right now? JW

[4:16PM] I’m currently dissecting the eye of an animal. SH

[4:17PM] Christ. JW  
[4:17PM] What sort of animal? JW

[4:18PM] I thought you told me not to give you all of the gory details anymore. SH

[4:19PM] So you thought that telling me that you were dissecting an eyeball but not telling me what type of animal was sparing me the gory details? JW  
[4:19PM] You’re a ridiculous man, Sherlock Holmes. JW

[4:20PM] It’s a good thing I have a boyfriend who loves me. SH

[4:21PM] Mm, I definitely do. Brag about you all the time to my army mates. JW

[4:22PM] Really? SH

[4:23PM] Aw, I can practically feel you blushing from all the way over here. JW

[4:23PM] Shut up. SH

[4:24PM] Ha, so it’s true. You’re blushing. JW

[4:24PM] You’ll never have any positive proof of that. SH

[4:25PM] Doesn’t matter. I know it in my soul. JW

[4:26PM] Spoken like a true romantic. SH

[4:27PM] I love you. JW

[4:27PM] I know you do. SH

[4:28PM] Did you just try to Han Solo me? JW

[4:29PM] What does that even mean? SH

[4:29PM] It means we are going to have a Star Wars marathon when I get back. JW

[4:30PM] I have no idea what any of these words mean, but I suppose I can make time in my schedule for your return. SH

[4:31PM] Make time in your schedule. Like you haven’t already freed up that entire month for all of the make-up sex we’re going to be having. JW

[4:32PM] So crass. SH  
[4:32PM] And why would we need make-up sex? Are you expecting us to fight or break up? SH

[4:33PM] I’m sure there’s something I have to make up for. JW

[4:33PM—UNSENT] You should have never left. SH

[4:35PM] Still dissecting that eyeball? JW

[4:36PM] Just finishing up with it. SH

[4:37PM—UNSENT] Wish you’d give me your full attention like that. JW

[4:37PM—UNSENT] I need to distract myself because of you. SH

[4:38PM] Well, I’ll leave you to that. JW

[4:38PM] You don’t have to go. SH

[4:39PM] Are you begging for me to stay? JW

[4:40PM] I’m not begging. SH

[4:41PM] No, of course not. We’ll save that for when I get home. JW

[4:44PM] God, you are such a horny man. SH

[4:44PM] Mm, and I’ll bet that three-minute delay was brought on by the fact that you were picturing it and got a little turned on yourself. JW

[4:45PM] That’s not what happened. SH

[4:46PM] So if I ask you to promise that it’s not what happened, would you do it? JW  
[4:46PM] And keep in mind that boyfriends don’t make bad promises to one another. JW

[4:50PM] It’s possible that I was slightly aroused. SH

[4:51PM] Horny bastard. JW

[4:52PM] I hate you. SH

[4:52PM] Love you, too. JW

[4:54PM] That’s what you said to me on our first morning together. SH

[4:55PM] I remember. It was mortifying. JW

[4:56PM] I thought it was sweet. SH

[4:57PM] Of course you did. You weren’t the one professing love the morning after the second date. JW

[4:58PM] You didn’t really love me back then. SH

[4:59PM] But I was incredibly obsessed with you. JW

[5:00PM] You’re still obsessed with me. SH

[5:01PM] Touché, Mr. Holmes. JW

[5:02PM] How is it over there? SH

[5:03PM] Hot. Boring without you. Lonely. JW

[5:04PM] You’re not reassuring me that you won’t end up in bed with one of your friends over there. SH

[5:05PM] Are you suggesting that I might cheat on you? JW

[5:05PM] No, of course not. SH  
[5:05PM] I just did a bit of reading on an army wives’ website, and there was some discussion amongst the women there that they were concerned about that sort of thing. SH

[5:06PM] First of all, don’t go on websites for army wives. Secondly, I love you, and I wouldn’t throw away three years just for a quick shag. JW  
[5:06PM] Are you going to start shagging strangers because you miss having sex with me? JW

[5:06PM] God, no. I’d never want anyone else. SH

[5:07PM] That’s exactly how I feel about you. JW

[5:08PM] Thank you. SH

[5:08PM] You don’t need to thank me for being faithful, love. JW  
[5:09PM] You should, however, thank me for keeping a pair of my fatigues in great condition. JW

[5:10PM] Why should I thank you for that? SH

[5:10PM] Because I’m saving them for you ;) JW

[5:11PM] You’re so horny. SH

[5:11PM] Good thing you are, too, then. We’ll have to stay in bed for ages when I get home. JW

[5:12PM] I might like that. SH

[5:13PM] I’m sure you will. JW  
[5:13PM] I’ve got to head out now. I love you, and stay safe. JW

[5:14PM] Stay safe. SH

[5:14PM] I’ll try to check messages soon. Talk to you later! JW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they are not so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes a decent way through John's tour in Afghanistan!

[12:00AM] It’s officially our anniversary. SH

[12:03AM] Where I am, it’s been our anniversary for four hours already. JW  
[12:04AM] Wait, no it’s not. Our anniversary isn’t for another few weeks. JW

[12:04AM] It’s an anniversary of sorts today. SH  
[12:05AM] Four years ago today you texted a girl, and you got me instead. SH

[12:07AM] You’re such a sap, counting our first interaction as the moment to celebrate every year. JW

[12:08AM] You’re one to talk. You’re awake at four o’clock in the morning where you are because you thought I might be messaging you. SH

[12:10AM] Damn. Even this far away you’re a genius. JW

[12:11AM] I’m always a genius. SH

[12:13AM] My genius. JW

[12:15AM] Not currently. You’re not even in the country. SH

[12:21AM] Can we not argue about this right now? JW

[12:30AM] I’m not arguing. SH

[12:32AM] You’re upset. JW

[12:32AM] Of course I’m upset. My boyfriend is off in a war-zone playing hero, and he’s going to get himself killed. SH

[12:33AM] Watch it. I am not ‘playing hero.’ JW

[12:40AM] I just wish you were here. SH

[12:45AM] I know. I know, love. I’m sorry. This was in motion before I met you. JW

[12:47AM] I love you. SH

[12:58AM] Christ, this is really hard on you, isn’t it? JW  
[12:59AM] You know, I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve said you love me while I’ve been out here. JW

[1:00AM] I wasn’t aware I said it any less. SH

[1:01AM] You hardly ever say it over text. JW  
[1:01AM] I think you just don’t want there to be evidence that you’re in love. JW

[1:02AM] I’m not ashamed of our relationship, if that’s what you’re suggesting. SH

[1:03AM] No, babe, I’m not suggesting that at all. JW

[1:04AM] You’re the one that didn’t want us to be seen together on our first date. SH

[1:05AM] You’re seriously bringing that up? That was three years ago, Sherlock. Three fucking years. And I made it up to you after the fact. Also, I wasn’t ashamed, so don’t try to make me into some sort of bad guy over this. JW  
[1:06AM] If you’re just going to keep picking fights, I’m going to leave. JW

[1:06AM] I’m not picking fights. SH

[1:07AM] I love you, but you absolutely are. JW

[1:07AM] If you loved me, you would have stayed. SH

[1:08AM] Oh, is that what this is about? JW  
[1:08AM] I thought you knew that my decision to join the army had nothing to do with you. JW

[1:09AM] No, it didn’t have anything to do with me, and it should have. SH  
[1:09AM] You’re supposed to take your partner into consideration over things like this. SH  
[1:10AM] You didn’t even stop to think how I would feel about this. SH

[1:11AM] This is my life, Sherlock. My decision. I’m not obligated to change my life goals because of you. JW

[1:11AM] But you’re _supposed_ to at least give consideration to how this fits into the plans of your long-term partner. SH

[1:12AM] You weren’t my long-term partner at the time. We’d only just started dating when I joined up. JW

[1:13AM] You never thought we would make it this far? SH  
[1:13AM] I told you after our first night together that I was thinking that far in the future, and you seemed pleased by that, but you weren’t even considering that we would still be together after those first few months. SH

[1:14AM] That’s not it. JW

[1:14AM] That’s exactly it. SH

[1:15AM] Look. You’re upset. The separation is hard on you. JW  
[1:15AM] I thought you liked dating a man in uniform. JW

[1:16AM] Don’t try to appeal to that part of me right now. I can’t enjoy this at all. I’m constantly worried that the next phone call I get is going to be telling me that you’ve been shot and killed. Do you have any idea what it’s like not knowing if your partner is going to leave you forever? SH

[1:18AM] I’m not going to get shot. JW

[1:18AM] You don’t know for sure that you won’t. SH

[1:19AM] I’m not the idiot you seem to think I am, Sherlock. I’m not going to run into the path of a bullet. JW

[1:19AM] No, you’ll just sacrifice your life to save someone else, and you won’t think about me while making the decision to do that, either. SH

[1:20AM] Jesus Christ. Not everything is about you. Not everything I do has to revolve around you. If I get shot and die, it’s not up to you to stop it. You’d get over it. JW  
[1:30AM] I’m sorry, babe. I know it would be difficult for you. JW

[1:31AM] How could you say that? That I’d ‘get over’ your death. Your _death_ , John. SH

[1:32AM] I know, I know. JW

[1:32AM] No, I don’t think you do. SH

[1:33AM] I know how hard it is to have a partner risking his life all the time. You’re over there chasing serial killers 24/7. JW

[1:34AM] Oh, so it’s my fault that I’m doing my work by myself? I asked you multiple times to work with me instead of going off to war, and you’re the one that left, John. I would have been happy to be safer in my work, but you left. SH

[1:35AM] You know what? No. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m not going to sit here and let you argue with me. JW

[1:35AM] You’re seriously just going to leave? SH

[1:36AM] Yeah, genius, I’m just going to leave. Maybe I’ll check my messages next week. JW  
[1:36AM] Can’t believe I woke up early for this. JW

[1:37AM] Yes. You’re really being inconvenienced here. It’s not like your boyfriend is off in a war-zone. SH  
[1:49AM] John? SH  
[1:56AM] Fine. And you accuse me of throwing tantrums. SH  
[10:17AM] Are you there? SH  
[7:00PM] Fine. I’ll focus better on my own anyway. SH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which something is wrong with John, and Sherlock gets some tragic news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when the next chapter will be up yet, but it should be within the week!

[7:16AM] I know you’re ignoring me, but please answer. SH

[7:16AM] Mycroft got some intelligence about where you are. SH

[7:16AM] He said that three soldiers were killed in your unit and that two more were injured. SH

[7:17AM] He’s wrong, isn’t he? Tell me he’s wrong. SH

[7:17AM] You love telling Mycroft that he’s wrong. SH

[7:18AM] I didn’t really mean what I said about focusing better alone. SH

[7:19AM] I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. SH

[7:23AM] Please, just answer me. SH

[7:30AM] You can’t just leave me. You can’t do this. SH

[7:37AM] I was picking fights. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. Please tell me that you forgive me for that. SH

[7:59AM] Mycroft said you were confirmed as one of the casualties. SH

[8:00AM] Tell him he’s lying, John. Please. Tell him he’s wrong. SH

[8:37AM] John, don’t do this. You can’t do this. SH

[8:39AM] I need you. SH

[8:40AM] You can’t go. Please, John, you can’t. SH

[8:57AM] You promised me that you wouldn’t get hurt. You promised me. You can’t break your promise to me now. Please. Just one more time. I won’t ask you for anything else ever again. Just be okay this once. SH

[9:43AM] They keep telling me that you’ve died, but you haven’t died. Tell them you haven’t died. They don’t believe me. Tell them. SH

[10:12AM] Remember when we met for the first time? I know now that you weren’t ashamed of me. I shouldn’t have said that you were. SH

[10:15AM] It took till the second date for us to get it right. SH

[10:18AM] That’s what this is. Just another rough patch in our relationship. Right, John? SH

[10:21AM] Please tell me I’m right. SH

[10:23AM] I shouldn’t have argued with you. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. You never did anything wrong. SH

[10:27AM] I love you. SH

[10:28AM] I love you so much. SH

[1:15PM] I’m sorry. This is my fault. I’m sorry. SH

[3:10PM] I love you. SH

[7:27PM] I love you. SH

[12:20AM] Don’t leave me alone in the world. SH

[12:21AM] Please. SH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/kudos appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John is okay.

[2:17AM] Hi. JW

[2:18AM] John. SH

[2:19AM] Yeah, that’s me. JW

[2:19AM] You’re alive. SH

[2:21AM] I thought you hated stating the obvious. JW

[2:21AM] They told me you were dead. SH

[2:23AM] What? Who told you that? JW  
[2:25AM] I’m not dead. Just a little injured. JW  
[2:27AM] And a bit high on morphine right now. JW

[2:27AM] Mycroft told me you were dead. He said you’d been attacked, and you were one of a few deaths in your unit. SH

[2:30AM] Why the bloody hell would he tell you that? JW  
[2:32AM] We were attacked, but I was one of the ones that made it out alive. JW

[2:32AM] You’re alive. SH

[2:34AM] I’m alive. JW  
[2:35AM] You were really worried, weren’t you? JW

[2:35AM] I thought you were dead. SH  
[2:35AM] You were dead, John. SH

[2:38AM] Shh, sweetheart, I’m fine. JW

[2:38AM] You’re not fine. You’re hurt. SH  
[2:39AM] You were dead. SH

[2:42AM] I was never dead, love. JW

[2:42AM] They said you were dead. SH

[2:44AM] I know they did, and when I get my hands on Mycroft, I’m going to kill him for making you worry. JW

[2:44AM] I’m so sorry, John. I’m sorry. SH

[2:46AM] What are you sorry for, babe? JW

[2:46AM] I ruined everything. It’s my fault this happened. I’m sorry. SH

[2:50AM] Sherlock. You can’t blame yourself for me getting shot. JW

[2:54AM] I’m sorry. SH

[2:57AM] Are you crying? JW  
[2:59AM] I can always tell when you’re crying. JW  
[3:00AM] It’s a pretty lame super-power, isn’t it? JW

[3:10AM] You were dead. SH

[3:15AM] Christ. I’m really going to murder your brother. JW

[3:19AM] Why? SH

[3:23AM] Because he’s making you repeat yourself, and you hate repeating yourself, and he’s told you a lie that’s made you have a panic attack. JW

[3:27AM] I’m not having a panic attack. SH

[3:30AM] Not anymore. I’ll bet you’re not crying anymore either, are you? JW  
[3:32AM] Told you it was my super-power. JW

[3:35AM] How bad are you? SH

[3:37AM] I was shot in the left shoulder. I somehow ended up with a bit of a limp, too, which is ridiculous. JW

[3:38AM] If it’s psychosomatic, I can help with that. SH

[3:40AM] There’s my cocky boyfriend. JW

 

[3:49AM] Are we still boyfriends? SH

[3:52AM] I was shot in the shoulder, Sherlock. I didn’t get memory loss or anything. I don’t suddenly want to stop being boyfriends. JW  
[3:53AM] Unless you want to stop. JW

[3:53AM] No, of course I don’t want to stop. SH

[3:56AM] Good. The drugs are starting to kick in. Might be getting drowsy soon. JW

[3:58AM] Are you in a lot of pain? SH

[4:00AM] It’s not exactly comfortable. I’ll live, though. JW

[4:00AM] When will you be able to come home? SH

[4:05AM] They want to keep me in hospital here for another week to make sure I’m fit to travel. JW

[4:05AM] Are you still in Afghanistan? SH

[4:11AM] Don’t really know. Just sort of woke up here. JW

[4:11AM] You’ve been in a coma for the past four days. SH

[4:17AM] That long, hm? JW

[4:17AM] That’s when I heard that you were dead. SH

[4:23AM] Not dead, love. JW

[4:24AM] Felt like you were dead. SH

[4:29AM] I’ll prove it to you. JW  
[4:35AM] Be home in a week. JW

[4:35AM] I’ll make sure everything’s perfect for your return. SH  
[4:45AM] John? SH  
[4:52AM] I miss you. SH  
[4:55AM] I love you. SH  
[4:59AM] I’m sorry. SH

 

 

[12:12PM] Miss you, too. Love you, too. Sorry, too. JW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left! It'll be paragraph-based and will be about John's homecoming. That one might take a little longer for me to write, but I hope it'll be worth it for everyone that wanted a wrap-up!
> 
> Comments/kudos appreciated, and visit my tumblr if you have any other fic suggestions!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John comes home.

Sherlock remembered the first time he had brought John back to his Baker Street flat. He’d been living alone back then, and as he remembered, Mrs. Hudson had almost immediately humiliated him by telling John—the very man Sherlock was intent on being with—that Sherlock had been ‘love-struck.’ It was perhaps the most embarrassed he had ever been, but John—perfect, patient, noble, stupid John—hadn’t made him feel bad about it. On the contrary, John had kissed him softly, had led him upstairs, and had taken him to bed.

Things were different now.

Now, Sherlock was putting in order the flat that had once belonged to both of them, that still technically belonged to both of them but had been inhabited by only one for so long.

After what felt like years of John being stuck in hospital in another country, he was finally fit enough to come home, and Sherlock wasn’t entirely certain what was going to happen when John returned. They had argued over text shortly before John was shot, and then after that, Sherlock had been told that John was dead, only to be informed by John himself that that was not the case. John had said that they were still boyfriends, but Sherlock wasn’t sure if that would stick. Now that John was no longer reliant on painkillers to keep him comfortably conscious, his thoughts might be slightly different on the matter. Sherlock could only do whatever he could to make him seem like a more desirable boyfriend now than he’d been in the past.

He cleaned the entire flat. He even made up the bed in the upstairs bedroom in case John wanted him to sleep up there. There were no experiments in sight. (John always complained about his experiments.) The fridge was stocked with food. (John hated doing the shopping but also needed food.) The clutter had all been removed. (John grumbled when he tripped over Sherlock’s things.) In short, everything was perfect for John’s arrival.

Sherlock himself dressed in one of his nicest suits—fitted, with crisp lines that John used to comment on all the time. His hair was washed and styled, and his face was shaved. All in all, he looked like a moderately functional person, which was not a look he’d had for nearly two weeks. Since his argument with John, he’d taken to staying in more, which required pyjamas rather than suits. After he’d been told that John was dead, he’d essentially stopped existing, and the last week of waiting around for John to come back had been filled with anxiety and excitement in equal measure that had left it difficult for him to sit still long enough to look at himself in the mirror and assess the damage that had been done to his physical appearance because of the preceding events.

For the millionth time, Sherlock checked over the flat. Everything was in order. Everything was where it ought to be.

Everything except John.

He checked the time on his phone. It was well past the time John’s flight landed, and yet the man hadn’t texted. Sherlock had a brief moment of panic, thinking that perhaps John simply wasn’t going to speak to him at all. Their relationship started with the unexpected arrival of a text, and it was going to end with the absence of an expected text. Or possibly John had gotten injured, and Sherlock hadn’t gone to fetch him from the airport, and now it was his fault that John was in some terrible situation, and Sherlock was never going to forgive himself, and—

There was the sudden sound of the exterior door opening, followed by slow trudging up the steps. The footfalls were too heavy to be Mrs. Hudson’s, and there was an added _tap_ at every stair, indicating the presence of a cane. It was John. John-with-a-limp sounded different than John-without-a-limp coming up the stairs, and Sherlock committed the new sound to memory.

By the time John pushed the door open, Sherlock’s heart rate had kicked up to nearly twice its normal rate, and he realised that he should have opened the door for John rather than just standing there in the centre of the sitting room like an idiot.

But then John was there, in full view, and Sherlock took in his war-wearied face, his awkward gait, his hair that had grown out a bit beyond the standard military length. John looked tired. He was tanner than he’d been when he left. His hands seemed more calloused as well. He seemed to have lost some of his muscle weight since being shot, but he was still as slim and as fit as he’d been when they’d first met. The cane didn’t bear his weight when he was standing, but he leaned on it heavily when he walked. The bag slung over his right shoulder was almost immediately dropped to the floor, as if it had been excruciating holding it up.

“You’re staring, love,” John said, and when Sherlock looked back up to his face, his smile look pained. That wasn’t exactly a good sign.

Sherlock immediately picked up John’s discarded bag and moved it over to the sofa, feeling the need to do _something_. “How was your flight?” he asked lamely.

“Rough,” John said. He made his way to the armchair that he had claimed back at the start and collapsed down into it with a grimace. “Believe it or not, being shot in the shoulder makes it even _more_ uncomfortable to travel on planes.”

Sherlock wasn’t sure whether or not he should laugh or cry hearing about that. He’d been doing so much crying lately that he wasn’t sure he’d have any tears left at that point anyway.

John frowned. “You don’t look so good,” he said, making to stand up, but Sherlock was in front of him immediately, pushing him by his uninjured shoulder back down into his chair.

“You need to rest,” Sherlock scolded.

John rolled his eyes. “I’ve been resting for a week.”

“Yes, but after that, you had a very long and very stressful journey back here, so you need to rest some more.”

John’s smile was less pained this time, softness lingering where discomfort had previously been. “You really have been worried about me.”

Sherlock appreciated his gentle expression but didn’t exactly see how this was the time for looking like that. “You were shot, John. You went off to war, and you got shot, and you almost died.”

John’s smile faded. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Are we going to argue about me going over there again?”

The last time they had argued about that particular topic, John had ignored Sherlock for two days, gotten shot, and had ended up in hospital. Sherlock immediately felt ill. He was getting used to that feeling now, as it had been plaguing him since that argument. “No,” he rushed to say. “No, we’re not.” He turned away, trying to find something safe to do, something to show John that he regretted everything. “Are you hungry?” he asked. He made his way into the kitchen and began looking through the fridge for anything that was pre-made that he could heat up for John.

There was a sigh from behind him. “You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me,” John said.

Sherlock ignored him and pulled out a pasta dish he’d apparently bought during his shopping excursion. He warmed it up per the instructions and was so focused on that task that he was startled into jumping when he felt a hand on his arm.

John immediately pulled his hand back when Sherlock reacted so violently to his touch. “What are you doing?” he asked.

Sherlock frowned. Surely that was obvious. “Making you food.”

“ _Why_ are you making me food?” John looked around them at the flat. “Christ, this place is spotless. It’s not supposed to be spotless. Where are all of your experiments? Why is there only _food_ in the fridge? Where are the body parts?”

Sherlock’s frown deepened. He didn’t see the issue. John would have complained if the flat was any other way upon his return.   “Don’t you like it like this?” he asked.

John looked around again and sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that. After a moment, he lifted one hand to rest on Sherlock’s cheek. The contact sent a thrill through him. Sherlock had been so worried that they might not be allowed to touch like this anymore, but apparently John was allowing it.

“I don’t want you to change who you are just because you think it’ll make me happy,” John said.

“But you should be happy,” Sherlock pointed out. What was the point of any of this if John wasn’t happy? After all he’d been through, surely John deserved that much.

John’s face did a complicated thing right then, settling into an uncomfortable grimace. “You’re really going to make me actually talk about these things, aren’t you?”

John sounded so displeased that Sherlock immediately sought to clarify, despite not knowing what ‘these things’ were. “No, I’m not.”

John stared at him a moment longer, seemingly taking him in, before he gave one firm, decisive nod and trailed his hand down to hold Sherlock’s. He used his grip to tug Sherlock onto the sofa next to him.

“Your pasta—” Sherlock started, but John interrupted him, saying, “Sod the pasta. I’m not hungry anyway.”

“You should eat,” Sherlock said, unable to keep the concern out of his voice.

John gave a disbelieving laugh. “ _I_ should eat? Sherlock, have you seen yourself? You weigh less than when we first met. I could probably pick you up with one hand—which would be convenient, because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can pick you up properly.”

Sherlock thought that last part might have been intended as a joke, but he hadn’t exactly been in the mood to laugh since John first left. He thought John might have been upset with him for that, but they were still holding hands, so he counted it as a success.

“You can’t focus so much on me that you forget about yourself,” John told him, voice low and serious now.

Sherlock didn’t see how that would be a problem. He had always been criticised for being selfish, prompting other people to commiserate with John for having to put up with him all the time. John himself had been upset that Sherlock’s selfish desire to keep John in London with him had caused so many arguments after he’d gone to Afghanistan. “So you don’t want me to focus on you?” Sherlock asked, not seeing how that would solve any of their issues.

John smiled softly at him. “I want you to focus on me, and I want you to let me focus on you, especially if you refuse to do that yourself,” he said. “We can look out for one another. We’ve always done that. Remember when I punched that bastard Wilkes for you?”

Sherlock’s lips quirked up of their own accord at the mention of the near-altercation that had represented John’s first time defending him, way back on their second date. “As I remember it, you didn’t actually punch him,” Sherlock corrected, “but, yes, I remember that. I seem to remember showing my gratitude for that later when we came back here for the first time.”

John laughed, his smile breaking through the weariness that had seemed so permanently etched in his features. The veiled mention of their sex life was apparently what John needed to get back to feeling normal in all of this. “And I’ll be sure to spoil you rotten later for everything you did to get the flat sorted out for me.”

Sherlock’s cheeks heated a bit as he thought about what that might entail. John had always been good about spoiling him, and after going so long without providing himself with even basic necessities, being spoiled sounded like perhaps the best thing in the world.

John’s hand was on his cheek again, and there was a look in John’s eyes that made Sherlock’s heart clench into itself. How long had it been since he’d seen that expression? How long had it been since he’d remembered that he was loved? “I missed you so much,” he murmured. The tenderness in John’s voice made Sherlock want to cry again. “I think when I was over there I forgot how hard this was on you.” He sighed. “It was easy to get angry.”

Sherlock found his voice again. “It was easy to be resentful.”

John huffed out a laugh that wasn’t entirely amused. “I guess we really don’t do well with the whole long-distance thing.”

Sherlock’s near-tears were interrupted with a startled laugh of his own. It sounded awkward to his ears. “No, not at all,” he said.

John smiled and leaned a bit closer. “Suppose we’ll just have to stay within sight of one another from now on.”

And that sounded like an excellent plan. Sherlock hadn’t realised how much of his displeasure about John leaving had been merely a result of the lack of John’s moderating influence on him, and he was willing to bet that John’s temper had flared while abroad in part because Sherlock hadn’t been there to keep it in check. “We’re never going to be able to spend more than a week apart,” he pointed out, and while that probably sounded limiting, he was actually rather pleased about it.

John snorted. “I’m not sure we’ll be able to spend a day apart at this point. We’ll have to work up to a week.”

And just like that, Sherlock felt infinitely better. His fear about John leaving, his anxiety about not being good enough, his guilt over causing their argument—all of that was so easily explained by the abrupt and unexpected influence that John’s extended absence had over him. John’s anger was likewise explained by the same principle. It wasn’t that they were falling out of love, as Sherlock had privately worried; it was merely that they weren’t suited to such sudden independence from one another.

Sherlock leaned forward and pressed a tentative kiss to John’s lips, still not entirely sure that it would be welcome. While much of the initial awkwardness regarding the state of their relationship had dissipated, there had been no move on John’s part thus far to bring them to the full extent of what they had been before he’d left.

Sherlock didn’t need to be worried about that for very long, though. John almost immediately started kissing back, only pulling away when he tried to raise his injured arm to wrap around Sherlock’s neck.

Sherlock noticed John’s grimace and got up, ignoring John’s grumble of displeasure. He grabbed a cold compress and brought it back to the sofa as quickly as possible. “Even if I’m supposed to be taking care of myself as well, I can still look after you,” he said to John’s raised eyebrow. “You were just _shot_ , John. I think your condition is probably much worse than mine.”

John took the compress and placed it on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Have you seen yourself lately? You look like a corpse.”

Sherlock shot John an affronted look. “I do not.” He’d cleaned up for John. He’d styled his hair. He’d put on proper clothes.

John smiled at him. “A very handsome corpse, but a corpse nonetheless.”

Sherlock sat back down beside him. “It’s a good thing I have a boyfriend to take care of me.”

John kissed his forehead and moved so that they were as physically close as two people could be sitting side-by-side on a sofa. “And it’ll be my honour to do that.”

 

* * *

 

After that, things got progressively better.

As Sherlock suspected, once they were back in the same city, their arguments all but stopped. Oh, they still bickered, but they were conscious now of figuring out solutions to their issues before they got to be true sources of resentment. Sherlock still worried that he might inadvertently drive John into another dangerous situation if he remained angry, and John, now that he could once again see the effect his words had on Sherlock, worried that he would hurt the man he loved so dearly.

John didn’t end up making Sherlock sleep in the upstairs bedroom. When Sherlock had informed John that he’d made the bed up there in case John wanted to sleep alone, John had been so horrified that Sherlock had thought he might want that that he took him to their bed and kissed him softly for nearly an hour.

Sherlock did his best to care for John’s injuries, but evidently his version of concern was incredibly constricting. John snapped at him more than once for bringing him breakfast in bed, because apparently it was insulting when Sherlock only did such a thing because he thought John incapable of getting out to the kitchen on his own. That sort of behaviour only lasted for a short while, though, because John’s recovery was remarkably quick. Before long, his shoulder healed to the point that it only gave him a dull ache every so often, and once that was no longer a main source of pain, the limp almost immediately vanished as well.

John was eager to work on cases with Sherlock as they’d done years earlier at the beginning of their relationship, back when John going off to war had been an impending but far-away concern. Now, there was no such thing lingering over them, and they both found that it was almost more enjoyable to work together then than it had been when they were younger.

John got better, and Sherlock got better.

They got older, but they never drifted apart.

They adopted a dog, who they doted on constantly.

They made friends, and they made enemies, and John punched the enemies who were rude to Sherlock, partially to prove that he was indeed willing to actually punch people for his boyfriend.

And one day, when they were both nearing thirty, they were no longer boyfriends but now husbands.

And every day, Sherlock and John awoke in the morning beside their husband and thought, _This, right now, is the happiest I’ve ever been_. Every single day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it for this story! 
> 
> To paraphrase Tracy Morgan at the end of 30 Rock, "That's it for this fic! Not a lot of people read it, but joke's on you, because I had fun anyway!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed that! It's obviously in the very early stages but there'll be some more angst/an ultimately happy ending ahead!


End file.
